As long as I can remember, I have heard about people going through mid-life crisises. Usually these 50-or-so year olds would buy a convertible, or a speed boat. I guess it has something to do with realizing half of your life is over and wanting to maintain some sort of aspect of youthfulness. Speed and recklessness seem to be what comes to mind for most people, I suppose.
While this does seem to happen, I think there is a crisis that is even more difficult than a mid-life crisis; there is a crisis that at some point or another in our twenties affects all of us. While I would not say I am truly going through a crisis, I have my moments of doubt or worry about the future. I wonder if I'll use the years I have in a positive way. I wonder what kinds of problems I will have to face in my life (because inevitably there will be some). While I obviously cannot say this for sure, I think that by the time I'm fifty I'll realize I have already made most of the big choices in my life. There won't be that pressure to choose everything correctly. I will have already chosen and possibly already learned from some of my mistakes. By that time I will hopefully know what job I will choose, where I will live, who I will marry, etc. But right now, in my third year of college, choices to come hang above my head. I have to choose all of these things. I have to make decisions that won't leave me with regret thirty years down the road. That's quite a bit of pressure for someone who is still trying to succeed in college.
I'm currently reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath for my Recent American Literature class. This book is a pretty depressing, but pretty accurate about some of the thoughts that occur to people in their twenties. Esther is trying to find how she fits in with the world, but she ends up discovering all of the ways in which she doesn't fit in with the society in which she lives. She wants to do something with her life, but she becomes so confused and depressed that she gets almost nowhere. This book is tragic in that sense. The difference is, Esther is also plagued with mental illness that causes her to buckle under the pressure of where her life should go. However, Esther's worry about who she is and how she should use her life is a question that worries almost everyone at some point during their twenties. Thankfully, most people usually don't become so devastated and lost.
I realize that worry does not help anyone. I really am praying a lot about my future and handing it over to God. I know that I have many decisions to make within the next few years, but unlike Esther, I know I God will push me in a good direction if I am truly seeking Him. While sometimes I do get caught up in tiny bouts of wondering or worry about where my life should go, I ultimately know that if I pray for God to guide me, He will. There is a lot on my plate right now, which is just even better of a reason to take things day by day. Also, as hard as this is for my generation, I need to remember that my life is not about me. My life is about how I can use it to serve God and to love those around me. I am thankful to have such hope about the future in such a confusing time in life. Let's just hope the whole mid-life crisis ordeal passes me by. I'm not really interested. I guess we'll have to wait and see.
No comments:
Post a Comment